It got to the point where Fayber Aulden couldn’t think of anything else. He wasn’t the type to naturally dwell on something. Fayber Aulden was a doer. A go-getter. But recently he was all out of kilter. He was pacing his lounge slowly with both hands behind his head, as if he could pull the problem right out the back of his skull. Jesus! If only, Fayber Aulden thought.
It was the last day of Fayber Aulden’s holiday, and pacing his lounge was not the way he had envisaged spending it. The weather was crisp and delicious outside, but here he was in his stuffy flat, too confused to decide on what to do with his time. Fayber Aulden touched his clammy temple and felt a tense, stressful heat emanate from his core. He needed to resolve this issue. That was clear. He just needed to figure out the best way to go about doing it.
Cath was a nice enough girl, sure. No, that wasn’t fair – she was great. All his friends said so. He wouldn’t take that away from her. She was definitely a great girl. And he was lucky, OK, he knew that. And because of it he was in debt to her. What he owed her exactly he didn’t really know, but it amounted to the best resolution of this issue. Jesus, what was the issue? Oh, that was a stupid question on the face of it.
The issue was her gold jewellery. Well, not literally, it was symbolic. He couldn’t marry a girl who wore gold jewellery. There was no way Fayber Aulden was wearing a gold ring, and wedding rings had to match. Also, the issue was her laugh. Her laugh when you made a joke she thought she should laugh at, not through her experience of the joke as funny, but only because she knew it to be funny. It was a dutiful laugh. It was a stupid, Ha! Ha! Just like that – One, Two. Jesus, who laughs like that – like you’re reading it out of a book?
And a bigger issue was her cling. Oh, she could cling! She had a great cling. Fayber Aulden wasn’t the man to have anyone cling off him. She was on the arm, the hand, the neck, the waist, grabbing at the thighs. Always in public, and all the time. At first it was nice, OK, sure, Fayber Aulden wouldn’t deny that. Walking around town dressed in a beautiful girl – that was a nice feeling. Cath seemed to fit right up next to him like a jigsaw piece. He would look down at her, her shoulder tucked into his armpit, admiring her slender neck or impressive breasts, and right about then stuff just seemed pretty prefect with Fayber Aulden. Jesus, why couldn’t he feel like that now? All he felt now was the cling; suddenly he quivered and ran both hands through his hair.
Cath would be knocking at the door in an hour or so. Fayber Aulden could hear it already – an excited little patter of knuckle on wood. How could the way someone knocks on a door make you cringe? He saw her come in, teeth blazing. She did have a great smile, Cath. And full lips. He imagined holding her tiny waist and kissing her. That would be fine, good even. Maybe there wasn’t anything to resolve? She was good looking, maybe out of his league. Really, what did he have to resolve? Jesus, he knew plenty of men who would go to no ends of demeaning themselves for a night with Cath.
OK, so the kiss would be good. But then you can’t just keep on kissing. Eventually he’d have to converse with her. And there it would be – Fabes. Her lover’s nickname for Fayber Aulden. The concept alone was disgusting, but this… this Fabes. Jesus, can you imagine a worse pet name? He recalled a friend’s mockery on first hearing it: It’s like babes and then it also cleverly references your actual name – that is good!
Oh, and back to the cling. The cling was mental as well as physical. Fayber Aulden had nearly forgotten about that. Cath couldn’t ever make her mind up. What do you want to drink? And Cath: Whatever you’re having, Fabes. It was always what he was having. Jesus, she should make her own choices once in a while then maybe he could have what she was having. What drink would that be, he thought? Something with great packaging and a strong presence on the market – a sugar-based, luminous little number. Jesus, he hated artificial colours.
Fayber Aulden realised it was only a matter of time before he found the very rhythm of her breathing intensely revolting. That’s how it would be. That’s how it always was with Fayber Aulden. The little things were important. He remembered holding Cath in bed a few months back and finding a spot on her shoulder. He jerked back in self-defence as the bastard looked ready to explode in his face. Naturally, that was the beginning of the end for Fayber Aulden. Jesus, do you ever really recover from seeing something like that?
Sure, OK, so he had to end it. And why? Because she had gold earrings and liked to hold his arm? Is this the way you treat beautiful women, Fayber Aulden? Jesus, no! He knew he needed to give her a reason. It had to be serious and not something ridiculous like the memory of a juicy pimple, and that could take time. He knew one thing – he couldn’t see her right now. That was for sure. He couldn’t act; pretend to be something he wasn’t. Jesus, he wasn’t a robot.
Oh, and she was preparing to take her secretarial exams. Or was it a bookkeeping exam? Anyway, Fayber Aulden couldn’t imagine what kind of a lowly piece of scum would dump a girl at such a time. Just out of the blue: Oh, yeah, Cath, forgot to say – it’s finished and there’s no good reason for it. What kind of a man does that? Fayber Aulden remembered once hearing these exact words: You know what, Fabes? I couldn’t have made it through all this studying without you. Actually, he wasn’t sure if those were the exact words; she was clinging all over him and he couldn’t much concentrate on anything. But he was sure she had definitely said something along those lines. Definitely.
What he needed right now was to instigate a distancing phase. A period of time, a week or two, where they wouldn’t see each other. There would be the nondescript work commitments, family obligations and minor dramas all conspiring to prevent them meeting. With some space and time he could work out a reason she truly deserved. It wouldn’t come as such a sudden blow. That was the thing to do. Also, her exams would have finished, and with her secretarial bookkeeping qualifications under her belt she wouldn’t need a man to make her happy. A cool wave of clarity seemed to blow over Fayber Aulden’s body and wash through his mind.
Direction, purpose, insight – all these things Fayber Aulden now had. Striding confidently, he pulled his phone from his pocket and rang Cath. But each ring after the first seemed to cleave a hunk from his confidence until it was all but dismantled at the fourth ring and her answer.
‘Hello?’
‘Oh, hi. It’s me.’
‘Is everything OK, Fabes?’
Fabes. Oh, this was the right decision alright.
‘Yes. Well, no, it’s why I called. It’s just that –’
He really needed that nondescript work commitment to be a little more concrete at this juncture.
‘What?’
‘I can’t make it today, sweetcakes. I’m sorry. But…’ Fayber Aulden winced. ‘It’s my mum.’
‘Oh, no! What’s happened?’
‘Well, we’re not entirely sure… She’s having tests.’
‘This is awful! I should come with you –’
‘No. no, it’s fine… At least I hope it will be.’
Fayber Aulden wondered where that last bit had come from. Jesus, it did sound convincing though.
‘Oh my God, Fabes.’
Sure, he knew it, the allusion of a serious illness in the family was pretty outrageous. But, if you thought about it, it was therefore wholly believable. If you’re going to lie, go big. And what else are you going to say? I don’t feel so great? I’m tired? No, of course not. Because she hangs up thinking: Why is he lying to me? The uncertainty of it prompts question after question, met with further vagueness until she gets to the point where she’s thinking of nothing else. And before her exams – Jesus, that’s a low blow.
Anyway, it was done now. There was no going back. Not with a lie like this out there. You can’t just sweep past a beast of a lie like that. Fortunately, Cath had never met Fayber Aulden’s mother before. Thinking about it, couldn’t he just kill off the imaginary mother? Heart attack, stroke, whatever. After Cath’s exams, of course. The trauma of a bereavement could provide the perfect subtext for the reason she truly deserved.
After all, wouldn’t that mess with your head? Your own mother’s death. Sure, OK, some people seek the support of loved ones, but others just go off piste. People deal with pain in different ways, right? Fayber Aulden always felt himself to be a rather solitary person. He’d probably disappear for awhile if his mother died. Get some space. Jesus, he couldn’t think about impressive breasts and full lips at a time like this.
He needed to play this out, really see if this was the right thing to do. In his mind, Fayber Aulden skipped forward a few weeks and he was back on the phone with Cath. He was telling her how it was a small, private affair. Exactly how his mother would have wanted it. Oh, Cath was sorry she couldn’t be there and so was he. But he had a difficult relationship with his mother and he was in a weird place right now. He would probably need some time out. Naturally. Travel, maybe; clear his head. Cath would understand, I mean who wouldn’t? Jesus, his mother has just died.
OK, so, this plan of action seemed to play out rather smoothly. Yet, something about it did feel a little wrong, OK, sure, Fayber Aulden wouldn’t deny that. But who was getting hurt here? Cath didn’t even live in his hometown, didn’t know his family, and maybe he would go travelling. He had definitely said he would at some point in his life. The whole episode would be one of those things. It just didn’t work out, life was like that, Cath would look back and think. And who was Fayber Aulden to go around ruining the lives of beautiful girls just because they wore gold jewellery? Jesus, life is hard. Sometimes you’ve got to make tough decisions. Fayber Aulden wasn’t the kind of man to shrink away from those decisions. Fayber Aulden was a doer. A go-getter.
Fayber Aulden stopped pacing. Christ, he needed to sit down. The only thing he couldn’t figure out was this niggling, elusive feeling. Being cooped up on a day like this – it’s not healthy. He needed to get outside. Maybe he should go visit his mother, take her out for some fresh air.
